My brother and I were very close. I helped him to cope with his depression as best I could, I was his rock. I knew he had attempted suicide twice before and failed. I suspected he would die of his own hand one day and thought I was prepared for it. I wasn't! I was not prepared for the phone call. I did not think I would lose control like I did, running and screaming up the hallway, out the front door and throwing myself on the grass, pounding it and sobbing No! No! No!. I never wanted my three year old daughter to see something like this, her mother totally out of control, devastated and inconsolable beyond words. I didn't want my neighbours to come running over and drag me inside the house screaming. This was not in the plan of my perfect life. I didn't plan to be a pallbearer at my brother's funeral or read his Eulogy in perfect composure to make him proud of me. Change hit me hard. There was no turning back.
You, too, will have change in your life. Something, one day, will hit you so hard that you will have two choices, you will either choose to sink, or you will choose to swim. Change can happen in many ways, it could happen dramatically like my family had to deal with. It could be a change in management, change in health, a disaster may hit the country, you may lose your job, your marriage my fail. My question to you is, "how will you cope?"
I am not an expert in change management, I do however represent speaking experts who are. What I am, is a survivor of drastic change and that gives me some authority to write about it.
When my brother Gary died, my whole life changed dramatically. My marriage failed and I had to go back to full time work. I was dealt another blow to test me that little bit further. I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease a few months after his death. So how did I cope with these changes? At first with his death, not very well. But once I accepted that this change in my life was forever, I then slowly started to build back my life. His death caused many more changes in my life. If he had not died I doubt that I would be writing articles, own a speaking bureau and be training in Taekwondo. Nor would I be writing my first book or grooming myself for the speaking circuit. Most probably, I would still be living in the Blue Mountains making jam and volunteering to help teach art at my children's school.
When change hits your life you have to acknowledge and accept it. You can't deny it has happened because it has. Secondly, you have to assess the situation and come up with a plan to help you cope. I grieved heavily for my brother, my weight plummeted to 47kg and I became very depressed. One day I was walking the dog and one of my neighbours said to me "Deb, you look dreadful. Don't put your brother behind you but put him beside you and walk on." Those few words changed everything and to this day, I am sure Patrick does not know the impact those words had on my life.
I made a decision that I had to accept that Gary was no longer with me. I had to adjust to this and I had to gather some inner strength from somewhere. Then came the second blow, Crohn's Disease. When my doctor told me I had this disease, I immediately turned a switch on inside my head and told myself that if I kept fit it would not affect me. I keep fit and I believe, with all my heart, that my fitness keeps me healthy. I don't look sick and people are amazed when I tell them I have this disease. I am not saying that I am in perfect health, I am not, I have my days where I don't feel so good but mostly I feel great . I accept that I have this disease, I don't accept that it will control me. I could have easily gone into 'victim mode' when my doctor told me I had it. If I did that, I would have talked myself into believing I was sick and I would not be this woman I am today, fit and as I mentioned before training in Taekwondo. I could have easily allowed myself self pity. I chose not to. I had a wonderful relationship with this doctor. He didn't really approve of my own 'mind techniques' of keeping well, but he supported me with it and would monitor me every month, do the blood tests and keep a very careful eye on me. I was due to see him one day when I got a phone call. "I am sorry to inform you that Dr (name withheld) was killed this morning riding his pushbike". That hurt me bad.
I would give up everything I have today to have Gary back. I admit without his death I would not be who and where I am today. I accepted the change and today I am doing things that I would never have thought I was capable of. You see, as drastic as it is, I gathered strength that I never knew I had and that's why you are reading these words now.
How will you cope when change hits you? Will you sink or swim?
Debbie Carr is the owner of Coyote Management International, a speakers bureau specialising in 'content' speakers. She is also the owner of an online marketing website for dog lovers. You can find out more about Debbie by visiting www.coyote.com.au and www.poshdogsonline.com
Source: www.isnare.com
